What would it be like to live without a face? Anyone we don’t know has no face. For isn’t it the first thing we seem to remember about another person, loved one or one not so loved?? We spend so much time looking at our face. When we brush our teeth first thing in the morning. When we are young we look for blemishes. When older for so many things, but often to privately observe our aging. We don’t like to talk about our own faces, but we love to observe others. We put all kinds of stuff on our faces for all kinds or reasons. It seems as if our face is our most important possession. Our faces also contain our eyes through which we observe other faces. And through our eyes we can tell others that we care or that we don’t. Amazing thing, faces…… What would it be like without them?
Every day we do our best to stay near the faces that please us the most. It is no fun when a face of a person we are not fond of enters the room or our space. Think about work…. How the mood so quickly changes with each entering face….. Think of television, magazines, the newspaper, and books… What faces inspire what thoughts and emotions within us? In movies, faces play roles; in fact they are the determining element of the role. We remember the face by the role it played, beautiful or kind or evil or ugly. So many associations for faces… History has all it’s faces… Angels have faces. We have the face of an angel when we help someone else.
But as our great society has grown we have unknowingly found ways to take faces away. In fact, anything, which distances us from one another, makes faces fade away. Just walk backwards from someone and see how far apart you can get before their face is no more. Or stand close and cover your eyes, or build a wall of some sort. The more we acquire in wealth or title will put distance between others and us. Who are others, but brothers?
Put me in a prison and I have lost my face to others save the tragic inmate brothers in my cold, walled world. When we build walls around our communities it kind of has a similar effect. This is happening more and more as we become a society of exclusiveness by all of us who condone exclusion. Just look the other way, it is so easy. Clubs and special groups abound to create security and comfort for members. Clothing and cars and restaurants can also be symbols of exclusion. What is the key denominator of exclusion?… It is money and it’s accumulation. . Money can be used in powerful ways for good. Yet, those who have money are so much fewer than those who don’t. They live with the visible and the invisible symbols of their lack of wealth every day. It hurts.. Do they get over it?….
You know, we will help anyone who we are close to. We will help most anyone whose face we know, well, if we know a little more about them than just their face. We might not like our neighbor, but if he experiences some tragedy or great need we usually rise to the occasion. For his face had more associated with it. In fact, if there is a disaster, we will crawl to our brother, the face next to us and offer assistance. So faces really compel us in so many ways. Yet today, so many are poor and few are rich. But we paint our world as if most are rich and that any form of poverty is a social problem to be remedied by social programs. The most applauded form of assistance is writing checks. It offers an easy protocol and allows us to remain at the preferred distance from our poor. We like the idiom that anyone can become rich if they just work hard. It doesn’t work out that wary and many just work, work, work, work. Low paying jobs, several jobs, 7 days a week 24/7…all this is known to them, but not so much to those who are in that other blessed half of our economy. To the rich, the poor often have no face. Oh yes, they get their tips and their smiles as the patrons patronize them. Yet, they are really faceless. They don’t live in the gated communities… They live elsewhere, beyond those walls, but every day they are there serving, repairing, cleaning, digging, ringing up sales, bagging. It becomes endless. We are not necessarily talking about the homeless; we can talk about those just hanging on to their homes or rentals. With dignity and courage they keep on keepin’ on.
It follows that we can give them back their faces by learning their names. It is imperative that we address as many people as possible by their names. It is imperative that we genuinely ask about their well being. For, in time, we will know more about their faces, we will trust our hearts, and hopefully feel comfortable enough to find a way to help.
Never has material accumulation been greater. Never has facelessness been greater. Never has the need been greater to create community that transcends economic and cultural walls. Never has the need been greater for each individual to give faces back to others. Put faces on the Hispanics, put faces on the African-Americans, put faces on the Orientals, put faces on the Anglos, yes all the whites, all the races, all the categories of all peoples. But to put a face on someone you have to get closer to them not further away. Where to start?? Start with the next person you meet. Start in the grocery store. Pick out one clerk and go to her regularly! Learn to say “God Bless You” to every person. What has happened to us? Do we really stop and look hard in the mirror? Do we see a face?
Chris Bent
Naples
"YOU CAN’T TAKE IT WITH YOU”
Someone once said to me, “Live it up, you can’t take it with you”. Over the years I forgot about it until I started to notice unusual generosities and kindness. I had been in a world distanced from pain, where everybody worked hard, dined well, had good homes, and generally enjoyed life. It was only when my life circumstances had me working in a soup kitchen and then a homeless shelter did I get the sense that there was much more pain and need in this world than I had ever imagined. It was all supposed to be in Latin America, India, and all the distant lands…. Not in every city and town I had lived in, that’s for sure.
I had been a member of the conspicuous consumption club. Socially and materially well off, we spent our means… charged and paid bills and were seldom for real want. I had successfully distanced myself from the poor and made myself relatively irrelevant.
When working fulltime for the homeless shelter in a fundraising capacity, I got to know many of the local non-profits and churches. Contrary to public opinion, they had to scratch for donations. Month to month most survived. Yet the poor they served could not be helped the way we truly wanted…. And I began thinking… the way they deserved… but that is a personal judgment…. And yet a judgment that we all will someday have to honestly face. When I was distant from the poor, I could not see the pain, much less feel it. My gated community insured my peace.
As wealth accumulates we work hard on finding ways to spend it and to protect it. If you can’t take it with you, then why not the expensive car, vacation, home, wine, etc??? You can’t take it with YOU. For those most fortunate there are trusts to keep the wealth in the family….. money that validates the heritage.
But this all seems to be folly. Our first real responsibility is to the living. That is how we can protect the future. Our legacy must be rooted in the present. We must take care of every injustice that crosses our immediate path. We must bring dignity to the moment and equality to the glance. I have come across so many wonderful, valid people whose circumstances are so different than mine. “There but for the grace of God” rings in my mind. If I want to enable and ennoble my kids and friends then I must act in such a way to be remembered. Not by spending on myself, but by giving time and money to the needs of the less fortunate. Not casual, socially acceptable giving but by getting out there in real world where the less fortunate struggle. You can’t take it with you has to have something more to it, maybe it should mean giving of myself rather than spending on myself. Contemporary cliché’s like this buffer us from the truth of our responsibility to one another.
Conspicuous consumption is a virus. There is no Norton Anti-Virus software for this problem. The anti-virus is our heart, not cliché’s. I must journey back into my heart and conscious to find the spirit of truth and the drive to force myself to look at reality. I get no greater pleasure than from being able to help someone, anyone, directly. Whether it is in a church ministry, volunteering for a non-profit, or other entities that directly serve the poor, I must leave behind money and time where it counts. God help me if my legacy is myself, my possessions, or my travels. My kids will someday understand.
"IF I ONLY KNEW'
The plague of us all is the "if I only knew” syndrome.
Once a friend of mine committed suicide. Everyone was taken by surprise., You can guess what the operative phrase was… "if I only knew”
Or when I did not show up for one of my daughter's events because of business. Only to find out years later that it hurt her in some small way…. "if I only knew”
Or when I am in the grocery store checking out and say nothing to the person who is bagging my food. Depending on that person's circumstances and background it could have hurt. But it is so easy not to look them in the eye and be caught up in the superficial business of a moment. Maybe next time… "if I only knew”
Or maybe if I was a little stronger in guiding my children spiritually by helping them to find comfort in church and hope from faith….. "if I only knew”
Well, I guess you get the message... But I am feeling there are hundreds of moments in the day where I could have put others ahead of me. There is a curious feeling rising deep from within that I may have to confront all my "if I only knews" at that time of final judgment. So though much of my life has past I see an urgency in trying to address every possible "if I only knew" right in the now. My conscience must play a major role in all this. I must listen to it and act upon it with more regularity than ever before. It involves trusting that voice that resides deep within. When I was younger and wealthier it was so easy to be distracted and find justification for not listening. Even now I see with greater clarity that material security and the isolation of gated communities makes it easier to distance oneself from confrontation with the "if I only knew's"
My biggest struggle is with the less fortunate that quietly exist all around us. Without trying to step on any toes, there is a mass of courageous individuals of many nationalities that support all the services and businesses that make our lives more comfortable. Maybe less fortunate is not an appropriate term. I just know they work real hard, often multiple shifts or jobs at the minimum wage. I wish I could be certain that all my actions, gestures, and words let them know that I respect their effort and them as individuals. And this can go for anyone and everyone, regardless of station, rich or poor. Loneliness and hurt can hide behind any façade, just look harder.
So I guess all these words about "If I only knew" really have to do with trying to help others, regardless of my often erring judgementalism. "If I only knew" how to put a smile on the face of my wife, child, friend, stranger, associate, or individual of the moment when it was needed. Looking back into my past I cringe at the lost opportunities, at the possible hurt unhealed. I now know it is about being in a positive spirit with eyes that search for the always-present opportunities to make a small difference in the moment of another. I reap the small private joys from these acts. And now I give Him the credit for they are done in His name. It is a new world now where He opens all doors. Where the heart is close enough to see the need of others. It is a fantastic journey, like being an unseen apostle. For me this requires dropping the benign parting cliché's like "later", "take care", "see ya", "have a nice day", and (the worst of all).."Have a good one". The only acceptable substitute can be " God Bless You". We Christians can be more comfortable in our faith if we use this expression. I have to say I use it all the time and you should see the eyes light up in so many faces you least expect it. Try it with cashiers, waiters, check-out people. Barriers and your own discomfort will drop fast and you will be freer than ever. ReChristianize yourself. His joy is out there for us if we seize it. Don't wait for that time that is waiting for you somewhere in the future when you would say "Lord, if I only knew". It is never too late to start seeing with your heart and saying "God Bless You".
I have lived most of my life by the Rule of Exception. This rule is the most powerful rule of all in today’s societies. It keeps all together in an ideological security that promises acceptance. Thank a god for guiding us to this most important axiom. From Diversity to Blame, all can now be understood by exception. I am sure there is a banner out there yelling… “Exception Rules”!! And there is now peace on earth.
For so many years there has been no guiding philosophy to help us manage our lives. At last, when we fully yield to the exception, we can move on to the next exception with grace and acknowledgement. No problem.
I just don’t know why there are so many letters to editors or “Crossfire” debates and condemnations of the opposing view. After all, aren’t we believers in the exception??
I love watching our esteemed Senate hearings on PBS where bi-partisan scrutiny is given to the current outrage… be it Enron or the CIA’s fallibility. Brows are furrowed as the questions fly as to “why”….. I am sure there is an innocent exception explanation behind each hesitancy to answer and the invocation of one’s Constitutional Rights. Why is it that they feel their exception perception would not survive closer examination. There just must be some mistake. Exception is always looked favorably upon these days. How could anyone ever get into a corner where his exception perception would be doubted. We are a forgiving people. Our religions teach us that we must always forgive….
What, then, could possibly be amiss?? We DO NOT JUDGE anyone. That is judgmental. Being judgmental is just not right or fair. It is not fair to hurt anyone’s feelings by being judgmental, period. Now that is truth.
If somebody is doing something wrong, wrong behavior must be stopped so no one else is unjustly affected. Now, we will not judge the wrongdoer, for that is wrong. But we must stop the perpetrator in his tracks and insure that this kind of wrong never happens again. We will find out the real cause of this crime and punish those who really were the root cause. We will make stern rules to protect us in the future.
Ah, but we cannot forget the Rule of Exception. For any act of ours can be an exception to the rules. Now the riddle. Do we make more rules to control the exception?? Sure is a case for more lawyers…. Hmmm…
Now I gotta think. What role does guilt play in all this. If someone does something wrong, then he is guilty….. or is he?….. maybe his act was caused by excusable psychological injury inflicted somewhere in the past. Surely, there can be an exception if he was not responsible for this injury. So again the power of exception must be authorized.
In the old days, there were few exceptions. There were more black and white, good or evil, rules. Life was simpler. Punishment was more clear cut. Nobody sure wanted to be punished. It seems, though that the Rule of Exception has controlled all this better???... Yes???? Think about it.
Well, we are luckier now…. We have less time to spend with the kids…because of all the pressure that is on us… and it is certainly not our fault….. we let TV teach our kids.. it keeps them off the streets and entertained. And what is not better than an afternoon of the computer and chips. Learning and nourishment integrated. Incredible efficiency.
Well, here is the real truth. There can be no rule if there is exception. Rules are worthless if they are not founded in simple truths. All the simple truths man has created are complex, litigation insuring, mazes. In the end they serve only moral chaos.
If man is to climb higher, he must look lower. If he is to be stronger, he must be weaker. If he is to be proud, he must be humble. He must be humble enough to accept the fact that there is evil. He must no longer explain it away. Poverty is evil, it is not a condition. Crime and pain are evil, they are not conditions. The suppression of human dignity and freedom in countries like Iraq is evil, not a condition. There must be no exception to the rule that evil is evil.
Thou shalt not kill. Thou shalt not bear false witness (lie) against thy neighbor. Thou shalt not steal. Need to hear more?…. You know the others… they are rules… they are black and white. What are we doing to these simple truths.. Oh, yes, the exceptions….. well, something just has to be grey… and remember, you can’t judge someone….. and soon only grey and black exist….
Maybe it is time to make an exception of making exceptions and look once again to God for rules without exceptions. Surely they must exist somewhere or surely they must have existed at some time. Where else does one look? Where else does one look?? Suppose He does not exist?
"Exception"
I have lived most of my life by the Rule of Exception. This rule is the most powerful rule of all in today’s societies. It keeps all together in an ideological security that promises acceptance. Thank a god for guiding us to this most important axiom. From Diversity to Blame, all can now be understood by exception. I am sure there is a banner out there yelling… “Exception Rules”!! And there is now peace on earth.
For so many years there has been no guiding philosophy to help us manage our lives. At last, when we fully yield to the exception, we can move on to the next exception with grace and acknowledgement. No problem.
I just don’t know why there are so many letters to editors or “Crossfire” debates and condemnations of the opposing view. After all, aren’t we believers in the exception??
I love watching our esteemed Senate hearings on PBS where bi-partisan scrutiny is given to the current outrage… be it Enron or the CIA’s fallibility. Brows are furrowed as the questions fly as to “why”….. I am sure there is an innocent exception explanation behind each hesitancy to answer and the invocation of one’s Constitutional Rights. Why is it that they feel their exception perception would not survive closer examination. There just must be some mistake. Exception is always looked favorably upon these days. How could anyone ever get into a corner where his exception perception would be doubted. We are a forgiving people. Our religions teach us that we must always forgive….
What, then, could possibly be amiss?? We DO NOT JUDGE anyone. That is judgmental. Being judgmental is just not right or fair. It is not fair to hurt anyone’s feelings by being judgmental, period. Now that is truth.
If somebody is doing something wrong, wrong behavior must be stopped so no one else is unjustly affected. Now, we will not judge the wrongdoer, for that is wrong. But we must stop the perpetrator in his tracks and insure that this kind of wrong never happens again. We will find out the real cause of this crime and punish those who really were the root cause. We will make stern rules to protect us in the future.
Ah, but we cannot forget the Rule of Exception. For any act of ours can be an exception to the rules. Now the riddle. Do we make more rules to control the exception?? Sure is a case for more lawyers…. Hmmm…
Now I gotta think. What role does guilt play in all this. If someone does something wrong, then he is guilty….. or is he?….. maybe his act was caused by excusable psychological injury inflicted somewhere in the past. Surely, there can be an exception if he was not responsible for this injury. So again the power of exception must be authorized.
In the old days, there were few exceptions. There were more black and white, good or evil, rules. Life was simpler. Punishment was more clear cut. Nobody sure wanted to be punished. It seems, though that the Rule of Exception has controlled all this better???... Yes???? Think about it.
Well, we are luckier now…. We have less time to spend with the kids…because of all the pressure that is on us… and it is certainly not our fault….. we let TV teach our kids.. it keeps them off the streets and entertained. And what is not better than an afternoon of the computer and chips. Learning and nourishment integrated. Incredible efficiency.
Well, here is the real truth. There can be no rule if there is exception. Rules are worthless if they are not founded in simple truths. All the simple truths man has created are complex, litigation insuring, mazes. In the end they serve only moral chaos.
If man is to climb higher, he must look lower. If he is to be stronger, he must be weaker. If he is to be proud, he must be humble. He must be humble enough to accept the fact that there is evil. He must no longer explain it away. Poverty is evil, it is not a condition. Crime and pain are evil, they are not conditions. The suppression of human dignity and freedom in countries like Iraq is evil, not a condition. There must be no exception to the rule that evil is evil.
Thou shalt not kill. Thou shalt not bear false witness (lie) against thy neighbor. Thou shalt not steal. Need to hear more?…. You know the others… they are rules… they are black and white. What are we doing to these simple truths.. Oh, yes, the exceptions….. well, something just has to be grey… and remember, you can’t judge someone….. and soon only grey and black exist….
Maybe it is time to make an exception of making exceptions and look once again to God for rules without exceptions. Surely they must exist somewhere or surely they must have existed at some time. Where else does one look? Where else does one look?? Suppose He does not exist?
"Dignitaries"
When I was growing up I would hear mention of “dignitaries”. Sometime my parents would see special people, foreigners or statesmen of some sort…. And I would overhear the word “dignitary” used. It was strange. Who are dignitaries? I later assumed or found out that they were people who had important titles like the King of England, the Princess of Monaco, the President of this or that, the Ambassador of this or that, and even some movie stars who were so famous they were considered dignitaries. It seemed that people in magazines or the newspaper were important and thusly dignitaries of a sort. I don’t know if I ever met one, but I think my parents did once in a while.
Well, then, for these people to have this acclaim and title, they were obviously special and someone to look up to. And look up to with awe. “Awesome” as one might say today. Obviously they had to be role models for many. And as one grows up one looks up to and scrutinizes those held in awe. Yet, one by one, many fell from grace in some scandal or shortcoming. How could they get through the screening process to allow them to rise to dignitaries if they did something very wrong? Alcoholism or unethical conduct or something seemed to bring down many. Yet, there are so many new dignitaries on the rise, new Hollywood stars to be excited about, that those who fell could easily be overlooked.
Well, all along I thought that “dignitary” was a derivative of the word “dignity”. Dignity seemed to be a very, very important asset. For you were respected if you had dignity. But dignity was much harder to understand than dignitary. You could point out a supposed dignitary, but how can one point out dignity. I think you achieve dignity through an act that everyone respects. Can people other than famous or titled people then acquire dignity? Can a farmworker achieve dignity? Or is it just a province of the rich?... something to think about……
Well the truth is that title or wealth only brings you false dignity and false dignity makes one a paper dignitary. Dignity can only befall one if one is capable of treating the lowliest as an equal. If a King cannot look the beggar in the eye and say “welcome friend” then he is not a King. If the CEO cannot treat the “maintenance associate” as an equal but for circumstance, then he is only the Chief Evil Officer, and lower than his lowest employee. We have become so organized that we have taken the “human out of the being” in the organization and replaced him with a Human Resources file in a computer database. Without a Chief Equality Officer, there can be no team, no dignity… just a bottom line mindset and dignity reduction.
Our children want us to have dignity. They see the truth until it is taken from them with entertainment, not hard work; with stimulants, not values; with arguments, not respect; with myopia, not vision; with boredom, not creativity; with falsehood not dignity. More and more children are being abandoned to themselves and the video world
If one really looks hard, one will find that the poor have more dignity than the rich, for they are not afraid to help anyone. Jesus seemed to have dignity. Must have been a dignitary.
Why is acceptance so painful?
When we were born and accepted into this world we were unaware of the great pain and joy our mothers experienced. The extreme pain came first. We, the profound joy, came second.
My first introduction to acceptance came as a young kid, trying to be accepted by groups of other children that I felt I wanted to be friends with. This is all very blurry, but over time I saw that many different groups formed to protect themselves from unacceptance. I would try to do what I could to get accepted into the group I wanted to. There was something about feeling secure once I was accepted. Of course, one could then be the judge or chooser of who was then allowed into your group. Pretty soon it had to do with looks, who looked cooler. Pretty soon it had to do with who had what… Kids who had something special.. even stupid things like a rich father or celebrity acquaintance… just who knew someone seemingly more important than me. I think we can all remember back to those early times through high school and what made us feel uncomfortable and unaccepted. Teenagers work very hard at being accepted… And it is mostly painful. Self doubt rules every action. We had moved a lot, that didn’t help. New school when at 2cnd grade, new school at 3rd grade, 6th grade, and 10th grade. Had to fit in more than I realized. Sometimes things happen we have no control over. Some kids have very bad things happen to them. These are held deep inside and make the journey to acceptance even harder.
How about not getting on the football team?? Or making it, but not being first string?? Or becoming a starter but not winning the big game? Always feelings of being unacceptable haunting us. So if you win the championship and want to get into the Pros? But you don’t make it. But if you do, do you win the Super Bowl?? Are you then accepted?
Look at movie stars… always fighting being accepted…. Privately painful unless you opt for drugs to numb the truth of your unacceptability…
Well, I get “accepted” to Yale University. Four years of feeling unaccepted. Get into a fraternity, but is it the best?? Everyone else seems to have more money and all those impressive contacts or friends. Secret societies are plentiful, but I don’t get invited. All of this further separates one from private good feelings about yourself. Sure, I am going to church during all this… and get brief glimpses of some higher calling… but, alas, there is too much partying to do….
I go into the Navy to Officer Candidate School. It is refreshing as everyone is treated equal. I do well and graduate getting to wear a beautiful uniform, commensurate with a new acceptability. I always wanted to become a Navy Frogman, but have to serve a year on board a ship to be acceptable… Then I have to take a fairly rigorous test to be acceptable. Then I start BUDS training in Norfolk, Virginia on Jan 1, 1964 along with a 100 plus screened acceptable candidates. But to become a Navy SEAL you have to endure the pain of 6 months of the toughest training in the world, especially Hell Week, 5 ½ days of no sleep and relentless exercising, running, swimming, cold, and harassment. The instructors ask you to quit 24 hrs a day. All you have to do is say “I quit”. Kinda the same with the Lord. It is all on your shoulders. I graduate in the top of my class of 18 survivors, everyone else had quit. I am accepted… Yet now there are many guys who have done so many exciting and dangerous things… I no longer feel accepted until I do too. I finally am honored to be assigned to recover Gemini 6 & 7 and the very first Apollo!! Very acceptable for a while. But I never had combat, Vietnam. Years later I would not feel in the same company as those who did. I felt unacceptable. Silly. I get out of the Navy looking for even more in life.
I find a job in the fashion business in NYC for Lord & Taylor. Do good but never feel comfortable. I now get to judge others by what they wear and look like. I am now a fashion expert and, boy, do I become judgmental. 30 years in that business only makes acceptability more superficial. B. Altman, Brooks Bros, J. Crew, and finally the World Wrestling Federation where everything is false reality and acceptability reigns only for the moment. Where values are mocked and courage cartoonized. It all crashes, undone by falsehood and betrayed. Out of work again.
I now find myself taking a “temporary job” in a Catholic Charities Soup Kitchen in Stamford, CT. Helping the truly destitute 5 days a week. But here I have to prove myself acceptable to these poor and drug ridden. What, me worrying about them judging me?? I grow and bring prayer to them at meals. I start to lead.
Life brings me to Naples after my mother’s death. I get a job fundraising for St. Matthew’s House. Except I didn’t fit in, I wasn’t a broken alcoholic. Yet, I yearned for their acceptance. Nope, I would not be a member of their club. I was asked to get more money from the churches. So I drove 5000 miles in Naples, visiting with over 80 different pastors. What an eye opening for my Catholic eyes. I would go to different services and hear very interesting preaching. In fact, so much of it was better that I would get in my church. I felt more comfortable, more acceptable in the poorer churches. The wealthy churches made me always feel uncomfortable. What people were wearing seemed more important than the Lord. You felt judged. So I learned ( from my days in Cursillo) to sit in the front pews where it was just me and the Lord. And I could go into any church in the world and always find a seat in the front pew… J
It became apparent to me that the rich, who are supposedly the most acceptable, are the most uncomfortable to be around. The poor tend to accept others much more readily. The rich look you over for credentials, social acceptability, and how much money/things you have. They are so insecure about their own acceptability. They have to have the right car. But even if you have a Rolls Royce, there is always someone who drives up in something even more exotic, for that is the world they choose to inhabit. People yearn to join a country club to be accepted. But then there is always one more exclusive, the Port Royal Club, the Royal Poinciana Club with its long drive flanked by royal palms. Superficiality, insecurity, and false acceptance are taken to unreality and irrelevancy. They are irrelevant. I grew up in that world.
“It is easier for a camel to get through the eye of a needle than a rich person to get to heaven”. This is true, for they are farther from Jesus than they think. Do you think they think that He really existed???
Yet the poor think that He existed. You go into poor churches and you feel the Holy Spirit?. Sure don’t in the rich ones, except for the exceptional preacher.
So one goes through life searching for acceptance. We go down every dead end street and find out the truth. Drugs, sin, evil actions, selfish acts, self centered havens, all yield nothing. The “self” movement of the ‘60’s is a dead end street. You have to die to self to live. You have to be reborn somehow. Well, all along, Jesus is waiting for us to accept Him. I didn’t need to be accepted by a group or a church. I needed to be accepted by Jesus.
He accepts us. If we could just learn to accept Him, then real acceptance is ours. If we accept Him, then we see that He is Acceptance. We have been accepted by Him all along. And then a joy in the Holy Spirit fills our being and therefore makes us acceptable to all. In Christ I help others, in Christ, I listen to others, in Christ I expose myself to others, in Christ I am finally whole, in Christ I find myself acceptable to myself. What others think is now irrelevant. I live for each day with a positive spirit. Yes, I get down, but yes, in His faith I pick myself up and find places where I belong.
There is so much more to share when one feels accepted. I thank Jesus I did not give up and finally found his loving arms. I am home. Rock on. … (as in Jesus is now my Rock)
"MANHOOD"
What makes a man? When we are youths our ears always pick up on phrases about manhood. Like, ‘That’s a real man”, “Real men don’t cry”, or “That man is a hero”, etc. we have all heard our own variants…but something hit a chord. We wanted to be a man.
How does that happen? An extreme is ‘don’t act like a girl”, “men gotta do what men gotta do”, which means keeping it inside and keeping a strong front. ‘Take care of your sister or brother’… “do what you are told or…” Soon comes the world of sports and we men are pitted against one another. It is tough until we get into the game and realize we won’t be actually killed.. It’s man against man, though we are boys. Or it is an individual sport where we have to beat every other individual. It requires giving of ones’ self to a maximum effort. If it is a team sport we learn the hard way that the team, not the individual achieves the goal.. All these are wonderful molding experiences.
During this transition from youth to young adult we sense other disturbing, yet exciting images….. “You are what you drive” , “That girl is really hot”, or “They have a lot of money”. New, powerful influences on your innocence….. What to do? Well, we listened more and explored more, though quite privately, never letting anyone know we were concerned. Today, the images from the movies, TV, media, and peers have become even more challenging as one tries to categorize and prioritize what so many people think is so great. Girls becoming women are struggling with who they are meant to be in an even more complex situation. How they look and feel becomes a tornado of insecurities while they are launched at the young male who more than not has little clue.
Seeming adulthood enters. First jobs. When am I going to get married? Will I ever have a family? When will I be a father? What do I do with so many rules and authority figures in my professional environment? The values of my workplace now intrude into this yet unformed equation. Thank God for beer and sports and any distraction…… How much I make quickly becomes the parameter by which I judge myself. Note that this is what I think is important to others. All one’s life the opinions of others all too often drove my sense of self… Money, money, money… this appears to be the solution to all need. Thinking starts to become derivative of this drive. The self becomes subservient to this master ?????
It is human nature to resist the unnatural. To solely be an entity of money fights against one’s inner core and deeply private spirit. We feel it, but often cannot articulate it. We may start to exist on a selfish agenda, though so subtle that we might never be able to admit or see it.
Manhood cannot begin until we move beyond all this. Way beyond. For many it is too late, they are captive to self and dreams of material enhancement which is their equation for success and mastery of life… as they perceive it…..
Manhood has reached a crisis point. Status quo, or……?????
What is the alternative if not the focus on self?? What is the alternative if
not the focus on self?? Stop.
Self is a dead end street, yet all popular , entertaining, and indulgent roads lead to this street. Manhood, if one has the courage, lies in humility. Humility is the antithesis of self.. When we are young, those who we admire are humble. They have done acts of unselfishness, putting others ahead of themselves. We hear of heroes. What is a hero but someone who has risked his life or image to rescue or help someone else in trouble. This is the stuff of dreams for a young man. This is the stuff of dreams for an old man. This is at the center of manhood.
The people most in need in our neighborhoods, towns, country, and world are the poor. One is not a man until one recognizes that there are poor. One is not a man until he sees the poor. One is not a man until he gets close to the poor. One is not a man until he accepts the poor as his equal. One is not a man until he can feel the pain of the poor. One is not a man until he cares for the poor. One is not a man until he walks with the poor. One is not a man until he sees it an honor to serve the poor.
Manhood is defined by one’s relationship with the poor, nothing else. Yes, one can be loving to family and friends. Yes one can be charitable. Yet deep inside the man he knows when he has given lip service to his greatest calling…… the poor.
“What you do for the least of them you do for Me”….